Who Let the Blog Out!!

We are sorry that we are late in this, but BLOGGISM™ salute Govind Tiwari ji Allahabad wale (Govind Tiwari of Allahabad) for providing us such a unique blogging Experience.

Next time I would be in Uttam Pradesh of this Purushottam, I would go to Allahabad and dip three times in Triveni and then go to his home to touch his feet and get blessed. He has taken BLOGGISTS™ to a new height.

Potential is the soil of Allahabad, after giving leader like Nehru, celebrity like Amitabh, Sportsman like Mohd. Kaif, poet like Bachan and Mafia like Atiq Ahmed, it again surprised us in form of its latest and greatest son Govind Tiwari.

When our Social scientist Mr. Guppydas saw his blog, he was like $%#$%…. “Holly craps he looks like the male artists who do female roles in typical Nautanki…. BHAAAANDDDDDDDD”

Its his charishma that he had to create atleast 11 blogs on blogspot.com to know the world how much great Blogger he’s is.

He proves that you don’t need to write a single word in your blog to be famous, what you need is just few snaps clicked in some studio with some different background, then have a PC/Laptop along with a pirated version of Photoshop and an internet connection. And you can become Internet sensation something sort of Mark Zuckerberg.

Adding to his greatness photobucket where he hosted his creative images exceeded bandwidhth due to hits onhis blogs. Now Photobucket are planning to have a dedicated server for him and working on some sort of algorythm which will categorised the images and those will match with Govind Tiwari Category will be hosted on dedicated server.

We tried to contact Govind Tiwari, but he was busy with some photographs editing on his computer but he left a signed message for aspiring BLOGGISTS on a print of his photograph where Obama is watching him on TV, “Yes, We Can”.

“Prembhushan ji ko shat shat naman……………………………………………..”  :D

Yes You Can

Yes You Can!

A day to celebrate?

I had promised a friend of mine to write an article to share his pain which he felt on first of April, not all alone but with most of the World. I am not able to describe it in here. Words and literature start betraying me when ever I am trying to write something. However when I saw a latest comment on this site, I collected some courage and few words to put it down.

When I am met my friend, Mr “A”, on first April’s evening, he was down, looking far into horizon had some tears in his eyes. I called him, right from his front, but he was so deep in his thought that his ears refuse to listen and eyes to see. I had to shake him to bring him back on this planet. My friend was very sad. After persuading a lot, he opened his mind, heart and mouth.

He said “You know what’s date and day today.”
“1st of April”, I replied.
“Aaaah, 1st of April, all Fool’s day.” My friend became more gloomy, “April sweet is in, Feast of fools begins…..”
I stopped him and asked, “What happened dear, did someone make fool of you. Come on leave it.. today is the day for……….”
My dear friend screamed, “Who can make me foooooooooooooooool…”. I thought, “Yes, you are already!”
“But, I am sad because every donkey, money, dog and even these fools have a day to celebrate, but we assholes don’t have any day dedicated to us.”, he cried and said a quote in German – “Arschlöcher der Welt, vereinigt euch. Sie haben nichts zu verlieren, aber eure Ärsche!”

I was speechless. He was right in his sense, there was no day for people like him.

I tried to console him by saying, “Okkk… but you can celebrate it on 1st May, 4th July, 14-15 August” He said all these days are already occupied with something.
“Interesting” I thought to myself. However not many realise that these days are celebrated by Assholes. How so ever they are not meant to be. Then again, look at any day as such that is celebrated. Don’t you get the feeling that they too get celebrated by Assholes and the person(s) who are meant to celebrate? When that be the case, I wonder why Mr A would want a special day? Them Assholes celebrate 365 days a year.

Where is the true spirit of celebration gone? Can someone help me find it? Should it not be honouring/respecting the occasion, the cause the event? Why it all has become a play of Assholes? Tragic isn’t it? Think about it.

Humiliated by World cup defeat Srilanka and Pakistan declare war against India

Straight after the defeat of his team to India in ICC World Cup final match Sri Lanka president Mahenda RajPakshe has declared war against India. Just after the match finished he left for Colombo and he was looking furious, more than he was looking last time when he decided to eliminate LTTE name out of the General Knowledge books. At Colombo Airport when he touched the ground he kissed the Lankan land like he has done many times back as symbolic gesture of his victory and declared war.

“These Bilateral and trilateral issues would not be solved on cricket ground and in a match any more. If India wants a war we will give it to her and it will be fought in her heartland”, he commented.

He said India has humiliated this island nation in many ways yesterday. Just after the toss which happened two times he said it was clear indication that Sri Lanka had won the toss and the match and Trophy could be handed over at the same time to Sangakara Sri Lankan captain. He went to say that It was conspiracy of India to invite Presidents and Prime Ministers of neighboring countries and humiliate them and he will not let it go. He ordered Sinhalese navy to attack at India from Madras and other Tamilnadu coastal ports. He went on length on record to describe how Tamils had humiliated in past as well when a Chola king with strange tiger flag planted LTTE there to invade their society.

His excellency said he accepted and went to Mumbai because he was thinking that a Tamil R Ashwin will play in the match and his team could get some inspiration to defeat a Tamil but instead of keeping Ashwin in place of injured Nehra Indians played dirty politics and kept Shreeshantha in the playing eleven which was clear indication that India wanted to humiliate Sinhalese as ShreeSanth commonly known as Appam is capable to piss off anyone on the field and he did the same and Zaheer bowled his first three overs for maiden, only Sri Lanka team could play well in last overs when they got confidence that Appam won’t bowl again but it was too late. Even in Batting after Sachin’s dismissal Gambhir told our team to keep in limits else we will promote Appam in order.  When reminded that Murlidharan the highest wicket taking bowler in his team was itself a Tamil, “He is ‘GOOD’ Tamil, like Pakistan have ‘GOOD’ Talibans”, Rajpakshe told.

On Appam episode he said “India has not only used this tactics against Sri Lanka but also against Bangla Desh”. when asked whether he has discussed Bangla Desh about it, he said “It won’t matter, they have Indian agents in Government.” But he has talked to Geelani and Kiyani dudes on hotline and both have similar thoughts that India has humiliated their great nation by calling PM and President to watch match in Mohali in front of Sardars and they had chosen not one but two Muslim players against Pakistani team. It was a plot by BCCI, RAW and MOSSAD against an Islamic nation and to keep the duty of a true Muslim brotherhood Pakistan lost the match. And It was not only one humiliation but that they deployed Missile near to Mohali to show their military strength.

Pakistan’s well known Security Analyst Zaid Hamid states “yeah, we knew this that this napak nation will do such things, but as I said earlier this time we are well prepared and we will hoist Pakistani flag on red fort and AIR will broadcast Radio Pakisatan from Delhi and Radio Ceylon from Madhras, Insha Allah. We are in contact with Shudar people and Naxals of India which are waiting for right moment to come.” more on Semi final match he said that, “Look that Tandolkar guy was out but even third umpire was given money, he overruled the decision.” When asked about poor fielding of Pakistan and wayward performance by Umar Gul and batting collapse, he said something which could not be understood and this line – “Yeh sab Hinduon aur zionists ki conspiracy hai, humare mulq aur quom ke khilaaf. Humare ladko per kaafi zulm huwe woha, hum eeska badla lenge”. He declared Shahid Afridi as Non Muslim as he said he was sorry to the nation and not to the all Muslims of the world.

when contacted Veena malik claimed Pakistan Government and its army itself is involved in this conspiracy and she did not do anything and said “its good that RAW did not allow Gilani and Zardari to enjoy a perfect Orgasm as well.”

SriLankan president even said that his Indian counterpart Mrs Pratibha Patil asked him whether he cooked something in kitchen of Bhandarnayake to become President and was talking about 10 Janpath, Sonia madam and Rahul baba all the time. “What a crap, it was”.  She even asked about what fighter aircrafts  Sri Lankan air force is having and wished to fly in some. It was enough to piss off this messenger of PEACE. But deciding moment came when he heard that Idli, Sambhar and paper dosa was in dinner menu list.

“Come on guys, you know how much tamilian these dishes Idli Sambhar whatever are.” Mahindra Rajpakshe said.

Meanwhile Rehman Malik told that President Zardari was to visit India and watch match with his whole family and Body Guards, but when he came to know about the airfare and ticket price, he said “Give me 10% of it, better I stay here.”

Pakistan and Srilanka have given a tentative deadline to India to return the ICC World Cup Trophy and approached China to help them. In a joint statement they said “India should return the Trophy immediately and we will decide with a three chance toss that who will keep it.”

There’s an emergency meeting of politburo of Communist party in china going on and it is believed that CPM general seceratory Prakash Karat has been summoned there. But China as they are known, did not say anything clear about recent development, but if believed from internal sources the common thinking was to move People Liberation Army inside Pakistan as strategic movement. Someone in Politburo meeting said that its necessary given the record of Pakistan against India whether in war or in war of World cup cricket, so that if something goes wrong which is highly expected they can take it over.

India is seeking advice from USA, which is not in any mood right now to play any role in this troubled South Asian region as they are busy with NATO to play “Command and Conquer” Real time against Pro Gaddafi forces in Libya. But Obama indicated that United States can provide Military equipments to these nations any time. Russia has started manufacturing of Mig 21 engines. Indian defense ministry is busy with finalising the defense deals with First come first serve basis.

In an unexpected move Nepal has said that they will support India.

Endangered Species

In a recent leak, Wikileaks its exposed in a cable sent from US envoy in UN that few so called humanitarians demanded UN to declare North America as sanctuary for like minded people today which is very auspicious day for USA.

Goose birds from North America have supported it.  Gooses got a serious threat of existence when people started killing them when get frustrated saying “Talk to me, goose!” after watching Topgun.

Dogs from India have sympathy with Goose on this issue and have said they would like to see similar things to be happen in India as well. Notably dogs in India are living in fear that someday Dharmendra or sunny or anyone from Dharemedra’s family may really drink their blood after Dharam’s famous Dialogue “Kutte, kamine main tera khoon pi jaaunga” – “You bastard dog, I will drink your blood.”

Back on the report, the cable clearly states that they have support from Russia, Iran, China ( they have not said anything about Pakistan but it’s obvious) and the one and only person who knows and understands Libya. India has not decided to support or not.

USA’s close allies USA jr, its sidekick Britain, old time bunny France and their cook Italy have joined together and said they will block any such move by UN. They have decided to organise Doom Or Unreal Tournament kind of game in Libeya along with Flight simulator tourney as well.

Additionally a Wikileaks states from an undisclosed source that Afghanistan would welcome any move if United Nations propose any Zoo or theme Park for humans there or anywhere on the earth. Till this report written a highly complex survey disclosed that only 1411 are left in India, some 300 in China, 20 in Russia and no idea about America.

Beware of Blog

While surfing to net just saw a nice cartoon.

BLOGGISM™  movement alpha version 0.0.0.2 has already illumine the world about it. But this guy act is very noble. BLOGGISM™ thanks him a lot.

Beware of Blog

proudly plagiarized from http://www.rdasia.com

Sim sim, Abrakadabra and DNA signature

Yet again, Google starts, others will follow :)

Above was the caption of the link which one  my dear friend posted Facebook.

In short- Its a new security feature provided by Google. If you use this feature then once you try to login with your google credentials to Gmail, it will take you to the next stage of verification. In this some Google dude will call you on your registered phone number and give you a PIN number which you need to provide on the screen, you can save it for 30 days. Other option is that Google will send you the SMS on your Android, BlackBerry or iPhone device. Voila and your mail is secure. :)

Now One may imagine, if he or she has enabled this service and to do some adventure or philanthropy  one goes to a different country like from Bangalore to Burkina Faso where his Mobile service has no roaming and access the mail from a cybercafe.

Anyway leave it, here BLOGGISM™ think tank thought of several other valuable options for Google as better alternative. We are still in thought process to get more innovative ideas for Google.

Few are -

1) Biometric security – Matching fingerprints, reading color of eye and retina
2) having Webcam installed to match the face of the person
3) DNA signature
4) the best option – Open a Kios service globally to check the identity in personal and then deliver person his latest PIN in a sealed envelope, which would be self destroyed in 5 seconds of opening the envelope.

We tried Khul Ja Sim Sim and Abrakadabra as one of the options but our esteemed research Scientist Aminur Rashid claims – “Khul ja Sim sim was not fool proof” as Alibaba was able to break it.

meanwhile our Social activist Akif Khan came with a more better idea.. “Transport the render to the recipients place and allow them private conversation.”

We are still working on few more better alternative, meanwhile our Intellectual Property experts Mahish Bissa and Soumya are working on to get patent of these ideas. And Our Chief Marketing Officer Mr. Guppydas is in continuous discussion with Google.

Please visit again to get more updates.

Hail BLOGGISM™ :P

Gone are the days when thinkers and philosophers spent their life times in a library smeared in books till their head. Karl Marx spent twenty years of his life reading in one library, Osho read all 15,000 books available in the library of his hometown … after sheer hard word it was that these people were called philosophers, theorist … but since this is the instant food age you are not supposed to do that no 8 hours needed to cook the nihari but the frozen one ready in 8 minutes.

It’s the age where everyone is a philosopher and theorist and commentator and political thinker… why?  because everyone has a blog … everyone has an opinion so what big deal everyone has an asshole too. So what if my opinions are based on some third hand evidence of biased media, online newspapers and the talk show I watched on the manohar kahaniyon wala news channel… it is an opinion … it’s my hard research work…

I need not even step out of my house ohk…Even my room … I need not refer to the statistics or make a REAL study…. Field work is totally out of question (ohk if it makes you feel better I did use the google maps and is it as real and Reality) I have the CNN Effect, I have BBC on my cable, I have Guardian on my webpage …. I can think now and I can write now…..

So let’s start…. US policies are farce, Obama is fraud, Palestinians are dying , Jews are traitors, Darfur & Kosovo do not exist, Is Indonesia really a muslim state ?, Kashmiris are fighting for freedom (yeap…self financed combatants) , India is cruel (get a life), Pakistan is a failed state (wait wait… you might be right here … :P :P NOOOO then what about Zardari… ohk let’s give him a chance)….

I ran out of the topics I have read …. *panting like a dog*

So my intellectual bloggers let this space be for your creativity … not an op-ed coloumn because the majority of the things you read and ponder upon and pass a judgment upon are not even 40% real …? Did you know that? No, before Wikileaks proved it… did you know about it? NEIN Mann …. Facebooks now sounds more real….

Wait a minute …. Or are you actually expecting a Nobel for the “best blog writing” …. Naah they actually believe in Real things (Obama being the only exception)

Keep writing one day everyone who matters in the world will definitely read your blog and change the world…. :-)   :-)

*Hope Floats*

Every Blog has it’s day

Well there is a secret behind it that‘s why did I not start the topic with the name like ‘Every dog has it’s day’. No, I am not talking in scenario of my very good friend Adeel Masood, who recently (almost 2 months back a new profile at a very popular social network with the name of ‘Lone Dog’ after getting pissed off with one or some great real time Geek/s.

I am not even talking about the puppy of popular Hutch ad, which is now searching for that person who changed his home from Hutch to Vodafone.Why Red, why not Pink? Might be he was happy with his old master. But who cares of a dog’s feeling. A dog is dog at end of day.

Ladies and Gentleman, I was talking about Blog. So leave the Dogs. BLOGGISM™ did a recent study and found that everyone must start blogging. Sooner or later your blog (or say you) will be recognized by the masses. And who knows when you will be nominated for the next Nobel for your services to Literature, or Booker (for your service to Great English Language through your Blog).

Even you don’t get any award, you did not loose anything. You did your Karma you wrote Blog. Like as Gita says “You are only liable to do your Karma, not in the result of that”. So Don’t worry if people just Blog away!

9 Tenets of BLOGGISM™

1. Write a Blog.

2. Write a Blog if you have any idea what you are writing.

3. Write a Blog if you don’t have any idea what you are writing.

4. Write a Blog, if you think that anyone would read it.

5. Write a Blog if you know that no one will read it.

6. Force your friends to read your Blog.

7. Make it sure that they make positive comments on your Blog.

8. Believe in this Prophecy – ‘Comments on your Blog are your testimonial.’

9. Feel proud that you write a Blog.

What is BLOGGISM™? Version 1.0.1

BLOGGISM™ is a new religious movement that has been created from the impacts of Blogs in our daily life. It might sound silly to base a religion on a modern www concept but it goes deeper than that. If a person takes the time to read the whole (Here I want to say allmost all the blogs which we go through) of the Blogs website it starts to make sense.

Blog is the first basic thing of BLOGGISM™. A blog (a portmanteau of web log) is a website where entries are written in chronological order and commonly displayed in reverse chronological order. “Blog” can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog. (Thanks a lot to Wikipedia for giving exact definition, otherwise I was thinking from what hell this Blog term came.)

There are several different kinds of Blog, We can read about them on Wikipedia. (Click on the link if you are really interested to read.)

And in case wikipedia has not included some kind of Blogs, I will introduce it here and anyone can edit Wikipedia to introduce these new categories of Blogs in Wikipedia to serve humanity.

Next comes Blogger. Blogger is that great or poor and/or stupid person who writes/maintain blogs. Like Blogs there are several kind of Bloggers, whom I would like to mention here.

First major kind of Bloggers are those poor entities who write some serious kind of blogs and think that they are going to change the World and thinking of the people by this. They write on Politics, sports, Social issues. They bring tears in the eyes of readers. Most of time they write such a long Blog articles that people feel sleepy while reading the Blog (Atleast I do).

Next are those bloggers like me who have no ideas what they are writing and even that anyone would read their blog or not. They write blog either they have nothing to do in their life or(and) they think they should also write Blog because now a days every second person is writing a blog. We can call them Nonsense/insane Bloggers.

Now are the celebrity bloggers the ‘Page3′ and sometimes ‘Page1′ people. At first place they are not bloggers. They hire other unknown/known Bloggers/writers to write the blog on their name. Remember famous American proverb of 60s- ‘If you can’t make it then fake it’.

In last few days I have seen a new breed of Bloggers, who writes Testimonial Blogs for their friends whom they never met in their real life and infact they don’t know what the real life is. These are those great souls for whom Internet and WWW is everything. They eat, sleep, drink and talk only Internet and various online communities. They even love on internet and make Love here only. I love these people very much. Infact I am fan of these serious kind of People. They have taken Blogging to a new height. ‘Where Sun can’t reach and shine there Bloggers can.’ I bow to these bloggers. For these kind of Bloggers I coin a new term BLOGGISTS. BLOGGISTS are the only true followers of BLOGGISM™.

Here I proclaim that the whole idea and philosophy of BLOGGISM™ is given by me. BLOGGISM™ has nothing to do with www.bloggism.net. As I said in the first Paragraph of this Blog that BLOGGISM™ is a separate religious Movement, which is being followed by BLOGGERs and BLOGGISTs in their BLOGs. So I have put Trade Mark Symbol (™) here. This ™ idea I got from a very good friend of mine, who uses this symbol everywhere in this Real Virtual World. So BLOGGISM™ is copyrighted, but anyone can use it freely. Free as in Freedom and as in Free Beer Also. I owe to him but not going to pay a single penny.

Now I am in Writer’s block, so I am stopping here. Whenever I will be back from this to normal, I will write more on BLOGGISM™ and BLOGGISTS.

May be one day Wikipedia (which is the Second best thing after GOOGLE on Internet, even GOOGLE proclaims it by spamming every 2nd or 3rd or 4th etc.. but in top 10 links from Wikipedia in 99.99% case.s) includes an article on BLOGGISM™ and me.

Hail BLOGGISM™. Long Live BLOGGISTS.